The Confused Chocolate Eater: October 2006

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Slap Me and Call me Susan

Sometimes I wonder..

Is being independent a good thing?

Someone once told me how incredibly independent I am. I don’t count myself as some hardcore highly independent girl. But I am independent in most ways. That is because my parents are not young parents and I kesian them la...

A few of my guy friends said that they feel intimidated by me. They said they’d have to think 10 times before they could actually marry someone like me. Ya know, being independent and all. Well, that sucks. It’s typical of men wanting to be in control when it comes to a relationship. Big ego thingy. They’d rather have their wives as a housewife who waits for them to come home every night from a hard days work, complete with dinner, a nice hot bath and open legs. Don’t trust me? Go watch The Stepford Wives. Well, there is no way I’m gonna be that kinda wife.

Well to me, being independent is not easy. It’s a choice I made and now I can’t turn back. Then again, it makes me feel happy; I don’t have to depend on my parents anymore. I’m slowly learning how to live my life without financial help from the old folks. Everyone needs to learn that (unless you’re born with a Harry Winston diamond spoon.) In my case, I started early. Heh..

Yesterday, a good friend of mine asked me a few weird questions. Something like ‘the first thing that pops into your head’ kinda questions.

Question 1: You’re in a plane. You’re about to jump down with a parachute. Where would you like to land?

Mahani’s answer: A big field. Duh..

Question 2: The moment you land on the big field you see a river about a few meters away. So you walk to the river and you see something shiny in it. The shiny thing is a key. Would you take it or would you just leave it and walk away?

Mahani’s answer: Leave it la! What for take!

Question 3: You walk and walk and walk and you see a house. Explain what sort of house you see? Picture it.

Mahani’s answer: A red farm house. What in the world…

Question 4: You walk in the house. What do you see?

Mahani’s answer: Normal farm house furniture. Those hand made kinds.

Question 5: While you’re in the house you hear animal noises outside so you walk out and what animals do you see?

Mahani’s answer: cows and chickens. haha..

He suddenly smiled and said..

“The questions are actually a test to see what kind of a person you are. Your answer for the first question means you would rather have open space. You prefer to be free and in control of whatever you do.

The second question is to know whether you are an opportunist and from your answer you are not one.

The third question is what you want your life to be. Farm houses are normally in an isolated area. Big space, quite and calm. A farmer usually works by himself to supply others with rice or chicken eggs etc. So that can also mean you are not that dependant.

Your answer for the fourth question means you don’t mind normal classic furniture. Your house doesn’t have to be all extravagant.

The animals that you said in your answer for the fifth question are both animals that come in herds. You are a team person. You need people you love and care about to be around you most of the time.”

LIES!!!

Hahahahahaha.. just kidding. It’s pretty accurate actually. This comes from a person who just came back from Indonesia for some soul searching, rehabilitation sort of place.

He also made me realize that my fear of sharks is just a mental block. He said I’m actually afraid of not being in control. We can’t breathe under water and we can’t move as fast in water compared to on solid land. So we’re vulnerable in water. And sharks… well, that’s their territory. They’re big and vicious and they’re freakin fast. If a wild boar runs towards you, you can run away and climb a tree or something but if you’re in the water and there’s a bluddy great white shark swimming towards you, what would you do? Baaah.. even typing the name of that species gives me the chills.. So you don’t have control at all. The only thing you can do is pray to god that that great white shark feasted on some sea lions a few minutes ago. Yeah, they taste better. Heh..

So if you have a phobia, try to think outside the box. What are you really afraid of?

Hari Raya holidays just passed. Will write about it in the next entry. Whatever it is, I think I’m allergic to Hari Raya.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Deedowhhh

I feel like a robot.

Day after day I feel like my life gets even more tiring.

My schedule is fixed every farking day. Class in the morning till late evening then off to rehearsals/shows at night.

Sucks I tell you.

Not that I hate doing it. I’m tired of it. Everyday I’ll be dancing from 9am to 12am. I’ve tons of assignments to actually worry about. My exams are very near and I’m so not prepared. With all that I still have to choreograph almost 20 songs for Astro’s Gegak Gemilang Tour. DINCH!

I’m so tired, I can sleep for weeks.

Everyday I ask myself, “where’s my priority?”. If I don’t do well in my studies I have no black and white for my future. If I don’t do freelance shows, how am I going to support myself? If I ignore Funky Socks Productions there won’t be any future for me.

The only thing I can do is balance it out. Right?

Its tiring but susah dulu senang kemudian. Right?

All the dinches in the world….

Sigh.. my life is fun in some ways and sucks in most ways.

I actually had to pamper myself by getting a new phone and a spanking brand new car! Yahoo! And their both orange. Hahah! Hidup TMNet! My orange phone is called Ashley Judd and my orange car is Elizabeth Hurley. My dad was the one who actually asked me to name them. What a weirdo.

I bought them both with my very own titik peluh man.. I feel so rock and roll now.

Now I know why my parents kept yelling “you think money grow on trees!!!” every time they caught me happily eating Magnum ice cream, skipping home from school in my baju kurung and my open toe school shoe, carrying my big ass black bag. I was 10 and Magnum costs RM3 then. I actually found my first love at that age. Magnum Almond…….. you still rock my world.

Dinch.. Ferdy, now I understand what you mean by “you ni, suka tiba-tiba tukar topic”

All the dinches in the world.