The Confused Chocolate Eater: October 2004

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Library Shits

When I first stepped into the Taman Tun public library I was like, “Hmm..not bad. Freakin’ cold, but ok.” Then after a few constant visits, I realized that that library is the worst library I’ve ever step foot on! Even though it’s a stupid library, I’m practically there everyday to study, meet some friends, and make noise. It’s like a ‘last resort’ kinda thing cos that’s the nearest library that I know of. Oh well. Anyways, the reason why I said that library is bangang because,

1. Turn down the freakin’ temperature for god’s sake! Feels like North Pole in there!
2. Limited books. Plus tables and chairs. People need to sit! People need to read!
3. I don’t see any rules and regulations. Do you?
4. Only members can go in. And you call yourself a public library!
5. Unused space. From outside it looks big but the inside looks wasted.
6. Timeline. Opens at 9, closes at 4.30. What do you think it is? An office??
7. Muslim prayer room. No special place to ambik air sembahyang and it is locked!
8. The cyber room. What the hell is it for?! The computers are just there for show is it?
9. The staff. Freakin' rude! They think they own the place! Douche-bags!
10. The security guard. Old, forgetful and thinks he’s god. Go home to your wife and kids!

There are a lot more flaws to be said. Right now, 10 will do. A library should be open 10 hours straight! It is not an office! Pemalas! What stabs me the most is their stupid, rude and arrogant staff! That bitch with the green coat. Hello! Who do you think you are? Our mother? You have no right to be rude to us! We paid RM16 to be a member! That makes the library our library! Not yours! If you don’t like being a librarian then quit your profession! The guard! That guard must be the most hated guard in this planet! He’s old, he’s forgetful, he’s rude to us kids, he thinks he’s right all the time, annoying! You practically see the same people everyday. Can you at least try to remember that we are members! If you're too old to remember then retire god damn it! We are only rude to you because you are rude to us! How dare you threaten on calling the cops to us students?! You’re such a chicken shit that you can’t solve your own personal problems is it? Come on! What gives respect, comes respect!

I am not done bitching about that library yet! There are more to come! All I know, I am never going to step foot on that library ever again. Not until it is changed. I hate that library and so do most of the students who go there to study. Amen.

Friday, October 22, 2004

The Aftermath Part 2

When I hear the word massage, the first thing that comes into my mind will be an hour of muscle crushing, silent screaming, pillow punching, so and so. Short way of saying it, physical and mental torture!
Yesterday, Cik Hasnah came to my house at 8 a.m. sharp. My maid burst into my room and started screaming at me due to my messy room which she just cleaned the day before. I shot up from bed as if the building was on fire and looked at my maid.

“Huh? What?”
“Itu Senah dah datang! Pegi basuh muka!”
“Senah? Oh Cik Hasnah!”

I quickly went to the toilet to brush my teeth and wash my face then the moment I got out, there she was, Cik Hasnah, with the evil smile on her face. In my mind I was like ‘Shit…this is not good..’ She asked me to take a mat and lie on it faced down. I did what she says and prayed to God it won’t be bad.
She started off with my legs. The moment she laid those big oily hands of hers on it I clutched my knuckles so tight until it went white! Then she went up to my back. Holy Chicken Shit! It was hell! She started saying “Oh your veins have gone into your bones, that is why it’s been hurting,” and I’m like “Wha?” How’s that possible? She kept pressing and pressing my back. The more ugly faces I make the more she presses on the same spot. Aduh!
The worst part was when she massaged my hands. I hated that one like mad. She massaged it so hard, I’m having bruises all over my hands now. Every 20 seconds I’ll be asking her “Is it over?” and she’ll answer the typical answer “Sikit lagi,”
Funny thing was when she said to me “This is not urut tau. This is a therapy,” A therapy? What kind of a bluddy therapy is this? A therapy supposed to be soothing and strictly no pain! Therapy my arse!
She told me to eat 10 pills of Vitamin C’s per day. 10. That’ll be 300++ per month. Worse, she said she’ll come back next week. And the week after that. And the week after that. Somebody help me….

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

The Aftermath Part 1

Yesterday morning, daddy brought me to the hospital to check on my back. I was feeling a little nervous because since that stupid accident my back has gone bad to worse. Typical me, I thought that maybe a little part of my bone cracked or became retarded or something worse so I was actually pulling myself back on going to the hospital. I usually love going to the hospital (what a weirdo) but yesterday was just…tortures. I mean, what if the result comes out bad? Does it mean I can’t dance anymore? Do I have to wear that annoying body braces? It’s pretty scary come to think of it. Funny thing was I insisted for an x-ray but my conversation with the doctor was like,

“Don’t think it’s necessary,”
“What? Why?”
“Just stay at home and rest. If it gets worse then come back for another check up,”
“Are you f**king kidding me?” Hahah! I didn’t say that. I wish! It was in my head though. All I did was nod my head. Be a good girl. Then the doctor said,
“Aren’t you sick of x-raying your body? You’ve been in the x-ray room so many times!”

Well it’s true though. When I was a kid I used to be the daredevil of the family. Of course, my brother was the culprit. He’s still is. Anyway, I used to do things that a little girl should not do. Jump from the top of the stairs, do stupid stunts with my rollerblade and bicycle, more stupid stunts with the playground swing. Yeah, things like that. It is all to prove to my brother that I’m better than him. Hahaha! Guess that proves it all! Oh well, pain for pleasure they say. So tomorrow I will be having a massage session with this lady, Cik Hasnah. Well I think that’s her name. Hope she’s gentle. Wish me luck!

Monday, October 18, 2004

Fathers and Other Distractions

I grumbled and whined as I got up from my bed then kicked myself for not waking up earlier to eat before puasa starts. I thought to myself “Shit! How the hell am I going to survive today’s puasa now?!” I took a shower, put on my school uniform, more grumble, grumble, grumble then went down to put on my shoe. My father was already waiting for me in the car so all I had to do was wait for him at the gate to close it as he reverse out. As I was waiting for my father, something caught my attention. A dog. The cute little thing just ran passed my house and I was like “Hey, isn’t that my neighbour’s dog” and BAM! The next thing I remember was me kneeling on the floor with one hand on my back. Yes, my wonderful father hit his own daughter with a freakin Mercedes. The best part was,

“Alamak! Are you ok?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Alright, get in the car, quick. You’re gonna be late for school.”

I stared at my father in disbelief as he went back into the car. What the hell? You just hit me and you still insist on me going to school? Great! I’m already suffering with my stupid back pains and it’ll be a lot worst with that bluddy Mercedes’ butt hitting it. I guess I'm gonna be the next Christopher Reeves or something. Sigh…

By the way, today’s puasa was major torture. Back pains and an empty stomach cannot be a team.

p/s : May Christopher Reeves rest in peace.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Forgotten

What would you do if someone important in your life just decided to throw you at the side of the road? How would you feel? You’d feel lost. You’d feel alone. You’d feel you’re no longer needed in that someone’s life. Worse, you’d feel forgotten.

Forgotten is the most hated word for me. When you feel forgotten, you'd feel that whatever good things that you’ve done in the past will no longer be appreciated. Especially when you’re doing something right that’s not for self profit. When you’re left forgotten, you’d no longer feel you’re important. You’d ask yourself, ‘Am I better than this? Am I worth seeing after all?’ Try not to dwell on the pain. Think positive. Always remember, that ‘someone’ who threw you away gained nothing in return.

Never ever leave anybody forgotten. If you did, don’t be surprise if it comes back to you.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Astrology and Horoscopes

Do you remember Peter Pan? Do you remember the movie or the old school cartoon? There’s one part where he told Wendy that each time when somebody says they don’t believe in fairies then one fairy will just die. That is exactly how my perspective over horoscopes is. If one says they don’t believe in horoscopes or astrology then out of billions of people who is in a relationship, one will just… die.

What is so wrong in believing in them? It is just a prediction in life and most of them are actually true. Don’t you just love it when you wake up in the morning, open the newspaper and start reading about how your day would be like? Sometimes they suggest what you should do and what you should not do. It can actually make your day wonderful. I like reading about star signs. It’s actually enjoyable. You can know what type of person you are and the people around you. It helps you understand yourself and other people. It’s not a load of crap, trust me. There are some things that truly define you. And you cannot actually disagree with it because you know. You are the only person who truly knows who you are. Try not to deny that.

I like astrology a lot but I don’t follow exactly what they say then that will just be stupid because I have a brain to think for myself. They are just like ‘a guide to life’ kinda thing. So if you disagree with me about believing in horoscopes and astrology then you should be more perspicacious.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

That Sweet Chocolatey Taste

Holy Shit! The only thing that i could think of right now is chocolate! I'm in a desperate need for chocolate. It's making me crazy!!! I'm having a major headache just because I can't get any, chocolate. Help. I would do anything to eat chocolate right now. Even if I have to steal from a kid. I'm going nuts. Unless, the most desperate thing I always do, eat milo. Argh! Somebody help me...

It All Comes Back To Puasa

Sigh...puasa starts tomorrow. My whole family went to the masjid for an everyday prayer that will only be held on the fasting month. A prayer we call sembahyang terawih. Lazy me obviously don't want to go. Don’t think I will ever go for the whole month! Bad, bad walrus! Anyway, it is not yet puasa and I’m already suffering! There is no way I’m going to survive this torture for one month! I need to eat! I need food to live! No more yamcha, no more waking up in the afternoon and go out for lunch, no more spaghetti, no more chocolate! Argh! Die, die, die! I have to admit, I’m not a good Muslim. I do things that Muslims are not allowed to do, except for sex. I detest puasa! It’s pretty obvious I don’t cover myself. I suck in Agama. Pn. Salmah, my school principal thinks I should convert to another religion. She hates my guts (screw you Penguin!). I have more Chinese friends than Malays. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate being a Malay neither a Muslim. I just hate puasa! My brain won’t work if I don’t eat! Adoi, I guess I just have to deal with it. A little help here…

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

A Broken Toe and Still No Wife

Daddy broke his toe when he accidentally kicked one of his bed’s feet. He was talking to me while it happened and all I could do was laugh! What a horrible daughter I am! Haha! But hey, I drove him to the hospital after that, waited for him for how long? 4 hours!! Don’t think I’m such a terrible daughter after all huh! They cast his toe and acted like it was no big deal. Hello!!! He’s a 58 year old man! At that age, any kind of pain you get would be major torture! Pantat! I hate doctors! They think they’re god! They think everything in this world rely on them! Bullshit! They can’t even fix my stupid back! All they could say was, “Oh, it’s nothing. You’re just lack of exercise.” My arse! I kept hearing the same words over and over and over again from several different doctors! If it’s nothing, then how come the pain remains?! Lack of exercise?? I exercised like mad just to get this pain off me! It’s still there! Macam bagus! Ok, erm..back to my daddy’s story. Getting a little carried away here. Hehe. Anyway, he seized the opportunity of having a broken toe to not go to work. Bertuah punya bapak! Haih…I envy him. My mam is in Japan for a meeting so he’s all alone with his broken toe, groundnuts and cigarettes. Paradise at home I shall say. But I can see he misses her though, my mam. As usual, we ungrateful children only care about our lives. Going in and out, as if the house is like a hotel. Poor daddy. Broken toe, no wife, ignorant kids. Yeeha to life.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Galaive

I heard naveen's voice on the other line telling me about his new remix. He blasted the music through the phone. Then when it was over i said "Smart giler sial!" Well, he was pretty satisfied with my reaction and said goodbye. I got up from bed and looked at the clock, it was 1.58 p.m., I suddenly realized that I was actually supposed to go to school today. As usual, I slapped my forehead and said “Shit! I’m gonna get screwed!” Being the blur me, I went out of my room, ignored my father, he said something to me but all I could here was “Kenapa ...something..something…I thought…something..something..” and I just mumbled “Sorry.” As I went down to check on my cats and look for food, my maid shouted “Itu buang lah binatang kamu tu! Sudah mati! Busuk!" and I screamed “MATI?!" My mind went blank. I ran straight to the door, opened it, and ran to where the binatang’s cage was. There, there I stand staring down to my iguana’s cage. I saw the lifeless creature hanging from a piece of wood I stole from my neighbour’s tree. It was excruciating. His tongue was hanging out from his mouth, his skin colour became darker than usual and his eyes, those cute little eyes that used to stare at me became an army of ants’ feast. Darn ants! Tears ran down my cheeks as if they were racing which side will make it to my chin first. I took the rubber gloves, put it on, spread an old newspaper on the floor, picked up the poor little green lizard, put it on the old newspaper, and rapped it slowly. I dug the earth across the street from my house and bury my little exotic pet that I once called Galaive (pronounced as ge-la-yef). I may have looked psychotic to cars that passed by but I did not care about them. All I could do was think about what had happen and that made me feel like I'm a bad owner thus a bad person. How could I not know that he was sick? Or just depressed? I knew the rules of owning an exotic pet! Never lead them to depression! They are sensitive creatures. They can just die of depression. How could I not realize that maybe he was?! I didn’t care about him. I ignored him. Imagine living in this world without anybody loving you. I knew the circumstances of owning pets!

1. Take care of them and treat them like your own children.
2. Must always have time for them.
3. Clean them at a certain schedule.
4. Most important, always give them Love.

That was all he was asking for, I guess. It is not much. It is not impossible. My dream of owning the greatest zoo in the world shattered like glass. I lost all hopes.

Forgive me Galaive. May you rest in peace.

Monday, October 11, 2004

From Puasa to Paranoia

Today as I was eating lunch at a mamak corner called Dataran at Kota Damansara with some friends, I realized that the fasting month is very near. Holy macaroni! It is in 5 days! Shat! Anyway, I was wondering how I am going to survive the torture of an opera singing stomach for 30 days. Being a 'bottomless pit', as my friends named me due to my non-stop eating, will just make matters worse. Some people will simply say "Look on the bright side. At least you can watch your weight without actually watching them!". Well, if someone says that to me, I’ll automatically go "Hell no!". What bright side?! Bulan puasa is a festival itself. The food that we buy to buka puasa will always be a pleasure. Those Baazar Ramadhan stalls with their kuih-muih, there goes your so-called diet man! The whole night you'd be stuffing every single edible thing down your throat, enjoying it before the next day arrives. Too bad, we Muslims have to fast while having our SPM. Though, I’m considering on not fasting on those particular days. Haha!

By the by, we should not be too paranoid about our weight or size. For me having a full body makes you look healthier. You can go on and say "I look fat!". Go ahead! Nobody is stopping you but please don't moan or whine about it. It's natural for a human being to be all paranoid with themselves but there is no need to make yourself feel worse by staring at them curvaceous, skinny people. I believe that anybody who is thinner then I is suffering from anorexia! Haha! That's how I make myself feel better! No offense to all the thin people in this world. May god bless you. Till next time!

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Sheeshkebab

My first blog. Don't really have anything to say actually. I feel so blank today until I have to ask my friends "I need a muse!". Must be the spaghetti I ate this evening. Ooh..That spaghetti was fine! The garlic bread can just make straight women go gay! I am totally serious! Too bad I'm not confused with my gender. And the soup! Oh the soup! Don't even wanna go there! Fiuh! Ok, where was I? Let me tell you something about One Utama today. I went to One Utama about around 6 p.m. today. Went there just to get my spaghetti supper (how semangat) and as I was walking alone to where my friends were, I suddenly realized that that shopping mall is like infected with Form 3 students. They are like everywhere! Some even have a fake tattoo on their arm that says PMR with a red line across it. They looked so happy and excited all the time. It's like the apocalypse was saved by Buffy again! Sheesh! With their tiny little skirts and stick thin bodies, giggling at everything they see. Aiseh, I can't wait to feel that way. Oh ya! The best part was as I reach the new block, there's like a group of malay / kampung / poyo people a.k.a rempits in front of Burger King. Gosh, it was like rempit galore! One day, One Utama will be contaminated with rempits just like KLCC. It has already begun.